Reflection of Change

Change has been the topic of this week. Many people are afraid of change; some welcome change, others just accept it as a way of life. It does not matter which side of the fence you are on when it comes to change - change is inevitable. Nothing ever stays the same, at least not for very long. I am one of those people who embrace change, welcome it, and often seek change if I become complacent or bored in my life. I desire so much more from my life that change often cannot happen soon enough for me.

I took a chance to make change happen and everything changed. One move and everything changes. This happens because everything affects everything in life. That chance meeting, that opportunity to make a difference no matter how small, the glance, a word, the tone...all make a different in life - not just mine but others around me.

I have changed in the last few months. I realized that I could 'hold my tongue,' not say what I desperately want to say at that moment not because of fear but because of the message. When something is bothering me and I feel very strongly about something, I will comment about it very strongly to make my case known. I don't care who is affected by it as long as it is said. I have since begun holding back my initial response and reevaluate the situation. I can see valid points and thus, have decided to continue working on the delivery of the message. How it is said, the tone, the words, and when I choose.

Arguing was something that I was use to; I grew up listening to that type of interaction all my life. That's how I learned to communicate with my loved ones. Raise my voice to get my point across; loose my temper if things didn't go my way; blame others and not myself. I am responsible for my actions and thoughts. I am responsible for how I receive and process information from others.

I wanted this year to be better than any other year but something had to change. I changed my location; living in the same area for more than 12 years has had an affect on me. I felt stuck. I was ready for the change but not prepared for what was about to happen. Coming home felt bittersweet; I was glad to be coming back to a place where I knew people, I felt safe, welcome, and a part of something; my community. I also felt like I should have done something more to stay and not come back home. But this is where I need to be in my life. I have unfinished business here and moving away helped me see that if I can accomplish what I did so far away from everyone else, with only my husband and children by my side, I can accomplish anything.

I could have come back to the same job but that wouldn't make for change. I started working two new jobs and have not argued with anyone since being back in my community. I am calm, at peace, but not at all comfortable. If I start to feel comfortable, change is not happening. I want to always seek change to increase my knowledge, awareness, impact...all of that. Learn something new everyday. Seek change, and embrace it. Something new and beautiful might just erupt out of what seems like the depths of hell. Might it be a new type of relationship with others? Might it be a new relationship with yourself? A deeper understanding of perception? Understanding? or Forgiveness? Whatever it may be, may you enjoy it while it lasts, because change happens everyday. Take it and enjoy it, run with it, because one day you look back, it may not be there anymore. C-H-A-N-G-E

Change is whatever you want it to be, change is everywhere, change is never-ending.

(originally posted September 19, 2013 )